Keeping My Sanity
by KiyoMeow1305
Summary: Handa Shin'ichi is suicidal. The mere thought of death lingers within him every minute. The only thing that keeps him sane? Matsuno 'Max' Kousuke.


**Kiyo's Note: Inazuma Eleven GO! Has started, people! w And I love it! :DShindou Takuto X Ranmaru Kirino is my fave shipping next to Endou X Kazemaru now.**

**Anyway, here's a Handa X Max story to cheer/depress you readers, depending on how you find it.**

**Summary: Handa Shin'ichi is suicidal. The mere thought of death lingers within him every minute. The only thing that keeps him sane? Matsuno 'Max' Kousuke.**

**Warnings: Mentions of suicide, angst, shounen-ai, BL**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inazuma Eleven.**

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><p>Handa Shin'ichi couldn't take it anymore.<p>

The thought of death every second was NOT fun.

Being mentally tortured was slowly driving him to the brink of insanity. And he did not like it.

Yet, whenever that glistening silver knife got too tempting, he is reminded of someone:

_Matsuno 'Max' Kousuke._

Max had become lovable, caring and simply adorable in the mere space of 3 years. He made girls 'KYAH!' over him. Heck, he could even make guys follow his bidding.

Handa, on the other hand, was distant, cold and yet devilishly handsome. He could make the whole of Raimon like him yet he didn't.

Why? Because he was suicidal.

Everyday, flashing images of graveyards, knives, blood came to his mind.

And there was nothing he could do to stop.

But then, Max popped into his thoughts and he would steadily back away from killing himself.

And that little thing had morphed some romantic feelings in Handa for Max.

He had a feeling that Max liked him as well.

It was a probability, at least.

But it stopped Handa from having frequent suicidal thoughts.

That was the important thing, ne?

* * *

><p>Matsuno 'Max' Kousuke was having a mental war with himself.<p>

Why?

Because he found out that he had feelings for _Handa Shin'ichi_.

_Yeah, he loved his suicidal friend._

**He is not suicidal!**

_Yes, he is! Face it, Max! You're so turned on by him that you can't notice his flaws!_

**SHUT UP!**

_If I shut up, so will you! I AM YOU, after all!_

…

…

**Fine. Handa-kun is suicidal.**

_HAH! I win!_

**But you're me so that means I win, too!**

…

**Well, anyway, I do like him but...**

_But what?_

**But I wish I could get him to stop being suicidal. He's not like his old self.**

_There is a way, you know._

**Really? How?**

_The answer is YOU, moron._

… **EH?**

_Dude, look at him properly! You're the only one who he talks to. The only one who can stop him from suicide. And most importantly, HE LOVES YOU._

**...Oh my Kami, I've been so blind.**

_We both have. So do you want to tell him that you love him?_

**Anything to revert him back to the Handa-kun I love!**

_Ehehe... This is gonna be fun._

**..Why do I have a bad feeling about this?**

* * *

><p>"So you wanted to see me, Max?"<p>

"Um.. yeah."

Handa tilted his head. They were both sitting on a bench in the middle of Raimon Park. Max was wearing jeans and a T-shirt emblazed with the words 'Make Me Forever Yours'. Handa felt as if the words were meant for him. He blushed.

Anyway, back to the main topic.

..Why did Max call to meet up in the middle of the night?

"Handa-kun?"

"Yes?"

"... **I LIKE YOU**!"

.

.

.

"...NANI?"

"I really like you! You're everything to me! I love you, Handa-kun!"

"M-Max..."

"Ah.. T-That was abrupt. I-I shouldn't have... Gomen!"

Max tried to run away but a firm hand held him in place. Handa was holding him back.

"Max... I love you too." A genuine smile was placed on his face.

Max blushed. "Do you really mean that?"

"I mean it with my heart."

Suddenly...

Max burst into tears.

"Hey! Why a-are you crying?" A bewildered Handa held a shaking Max in his hands. Max looked up and sniffed.

"It's just.. I wish you weren't so damn suicidal! I want to live with you until we're old, Handa-kun!"

"So do I, Max. But ever since I realized my feelings for you, my thoughts of death have gone away almost completely."

"It has?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll be truthful. I have a split personality disorder. I have managed to keep it under control but sometimes it's just too much. The only thing keeping me sane is you, Handa-kun."

"Don't worry. From here on out, we'll help each other with our problems."

"Thanks. I love you, Handa-kun."

"I love you too, Max."

Handa hesitated before placing his lips on Max's. He felt a thrill when Max responded.

Maybe... This will work out fine.

* * *

><p>They both were broken yet they seemed so perfect to each other.<p>

They were pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fitted each other.

They were happy and content with their new life...

...And neither of them would want it to change.

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><p><strong>~OWARI~<strong>


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